A Bird of a Different Color

The end of August is near. Only 8 days until I leave Archbold for the longest length of time I have ever been gone. I have found myself asking lately 'am I really doing this?...am I actually going to a different country? and for so long?... is this actually happening?' With this looming deadline it is quite obvious that this trip is going to happen, but I am finding that I have finally developed a bit of apprehension about it. Until now it has still not seemed entirely real. Sure, I talk to people about where I'm going and who I will meet, what I will be doing and for how long...I've sent letters, worked a variety of odd jobs and done fundraisers...I've worried, wondered, anticipated, fretted, sighed, laughed and dreamed. All of those things and it still wasn't real...just a list of possibilities - that is until tonight.

For the first time in all the years I have dreamed of doing this and seeing the world in this way...leaving my mark somewhere and letting the people of the world leave their mark on me...for the first time it wasn't exciting...I wasn't looking forward to it...I was scared. I cried and for the silliest reason....I'm not even sure it was the real reason instead of just a reason at all. You see I have been trying so hard to come up with ways to keep my family from missing me (a list of secrets I can't share or they will find out before I am even gone)...I tried to get my mom this yellow bird for her kitchen. Something that every time they looked at it they thought of me...but that dumb bird was the wrong color yellow. It doesn't match. I was so so excited to give it to her and it doesn't match. I wanted that one last thing to place in the house to remind them of how much I love them every time they see it and that darn bird doesn't match. I'm not sure why it bothered me so much, but it did. It was just like that bird wouldn't be there for them to look at and I wasn't going to be there either. I wasn't going to be there. 8 days and I wouldn't be there any more. My family has always been well within my reach, but not for long. I've been trying to prepare them for missing me...but have I prepared myself for missing them? I'm not so sure. Now, I kind of want to smash that dumb wrong colored bird.

That bird made me confront something that had until now just been an idea. I knew I would miss them - I've been telling myself that for a while - but now I understand. Nothing in the world can ever entirely prepare you for being apart from the people you love. You just have to learn to manage. Which I will do. Though I'm often told it is a fault, I believe my stubborn nature is going to suit me well in my adventure (thank you gene pool) - I refuse to do anything other than go forward with confidence knowing the people I love are thinking of me even without that dumb bird poking its silly nose into the air reminding them. Sometimes the strangest things force us to have epiphanies. This was a realization I had to have...God let me find the dusty little bird in that antique shop to help me through a stage of this journey I needed to have. One I didn't even realize existed until I compared yellows. I guess I won't smash that bird to bits after all...in fact, I think I'll put it in the kitchen anyhow. It will drive my mom nuts when she finds it and realizes this wrong colored bird has been in her kitchen the whole time. I'm still a bit apprehensive and I probably will be until I find my footing in England, but I'm prepared to keep moving one foot in front of the other matching yellows or not.

On a side note- I got a call the other day from a woman in the registrar's office at IPFW. I have now officially graduated. Yay!...before your questions start changing from 'are you still in school?' and 'what is it you are studying again?' to 'so what are you going to do next?' let me just say I haven't decided. It looks like there is more school for me somewhere in the future, but right now only the present is on my mind. I'm going to let the future just stay a mystery for now. That, in time, will be its own adventure.

Where did July go?

Hey everyone! I'm sorry it has been so long since I last posted. It has been a little busy these days, but July was fantastic! As most of you know, Kaihle and I had the Ten Thousand Villages fundraiser day on the 15th. Thanks to all of you it went really well. Ten Thousand Villages had a good day and so did we :) We had so much fun - there were all kinds of snacks, gift wrapping craziness (aka Kaihle and I are not the greatest at wrapping gifts when collapsible boxes are involved) and visitors throughout the day.

July was also birthday month! Whoooo....yes, that is right. I am one of those ridiculous people that stretches my birthday out as long as possible. So there was of course birthday month, birthday week, birthday day (when we actually celebrate and I get to chose fun stuff to do) and my birthday (when I was actually born). The people around me take my birthday shenanigans with grace and very little grumbling. I'm really lucky to have such great people in my life :) Like usual, birthday week was celebrated at Little Eden. We are forever gone on my birthday which might add to the reason my parents put up with birthday week. This year I spent birthday day with Michele Bollman and my mom for the majority of the day. They humored me and let me drag them around to all sorts of fun little shops - there was a barn filled with antiques and art, a shoe store with tevas, a little snack place with awesome homemade snacks, and random little clothing and book stores. My favorite find of the day, much to the consternation of my companions, was a set of 6 skeleton keys (the consternation was due to the fact we spent a good hour in a barn without air conditioning on possibly the hottest day of the summer and that is what I ended up with). I also got to eat meals with my family - a somewhat rare occurrence- see my extended family and see friends. What more could a girl ask for on her birthday day?

I spent the rest of July working at Ten Thousand Villages and for Premier Air, babysitting, doing homework and collecting documents I will need for my visa. One highlight of this time was receiving an email from one of the pastors in England of one of the churches sponsoring us. It was fun getting an email from someone in a different country that I will eventually get to meet -I say eventually, but it is actually really close...we are in countdown mode these days. Only 25 days until I leave!

On another note - The beginning of August means a great weight off of my shoulders. On the 2nd I finished my summer class! :) That was the last credit I needed to complete my bachelor's degree. I can now apply for my diploma yay!.....I love summer :)